What to do when you're toddler throws a tantrum

I want you to listen very closely to what i have to say. We all know toddlers can be quite the handful. Getting into things, making messes, and worst of all...... throwing tantrums. 

But i have come up with the fail proof way of handeling these little disasters.

I promise your children will never act out again.

Completely. Utterly. Fail proof.

So first of all when you notice said child/children have started going into complete meltdown mode

walk over to them, stand directly in front of them and stare at them. Don't say a word. Just stand there and stare. This helps get the point across that you see that they are angry.

Make sure to show no emotion whatsoever.

Once they have hit the climax of their tantrum, throw your body to the floor and start flailing around. By all means please scream as loudly a possible and tears.... lots and lots and lots of tears!

Do this consistantly for about 5 mins. You might want a cup of water handy just incase your throat gets dry.

After aprox. 5 mins of this your child/children should be standing there staring at you in awe and amazement.

By this time you stand up, and go back to what you were doing. Don't say a word. This drives home the fact that you ARE the best of the best. That they can't win. And i promise. All your problems will be solved from that point on. You will officially have the case of the worlds most perfect child/children.

No need to thank me. You are welcome. Now you may return to your previously scheduled programming with temper-less children.

(*note to reader.... im not to be taken seriously.... but then again... maybe i am*)

Pregnancy vs. Motherhood

When I was pregnant I was most defiantly delusional. I thought that i would be the clean house, perfect kids, always baking, crafting, do it all kind of mom. I was always going to be prepared and i'd be damned if i bought something that i could simply make my own damn self. I was going to be super mom! I was going to be dressed and presentable daily. I was not going to let motherhood take over my way of life. And nothing was going to stop me.......

(yes i totally expected to turn into an octopus) 

Until i had kids....

And now there is constantly toys on the floor in every room of the house unless its 10 pm. (shhhh, dont tell anyone but even after the kidlets are in bed.....i sometimes even just leave the toys there). 

(This is my actual living room but might i add i was sicker than Lindsey Lohan's drug addiction so it was a totally viable excuse)

My kids and i usually have some unidentifiable smear of a substance on our clothes by  at least 10 am.

(seems legit)

Mine and my kids hair usually look like a birds nest unless im leaving the house.

I hardly ever wear a bra! GASP!

Pjs are the new comfy style.

(^^^ yeah pretty much)

working out is..... hold on.... i need to go see what that even means....ah right..

So according to the urban dictionary (because thats how i roll) 

work out

60 up, 89 down

1. Extremely vigorous sex 2. Eating food  I'm gonna go work out this bust down in a minute We're gonna go put a work out on some ribs. Well then, yes. I do try my best to remember to eat daily.  (this is pretty much me as i hide in the bathroom so the kids dont ask for a bite.) I almost always have dishes waiting to be washed and laundry oh how i loath you.  Luckily i have IT around. Im usually crabby enough i can get him to do it. Did you ever have expectations of what you would be like as a mother that just didn't quite work out as you had expected?

Explanation of the Crazy Crew

Well, Since I am new and just starting out i figure it would be best to give a just starting out blog post. Explaining each of us and all of our crazies.

 First of all, I am momma. Obviously. I am the head crazy of the house. You cant have crazy without me. I wipe asses and feed tummies all at once. Appetizing right.












And then there is IT. He is the non head of the house crazy. Ever seen the man song?
The man song explaining IT.

Yes.... that pretty much sums him up.











And then there is Chaos and Caution. These two are my half blood crazies. Chaos pretty much holds the fort hostage-ly crazy. Shes a wound for sound crazily wonderful 3 yr old. She is one of those that say the darndest things and i enjoy living vicariously through "her" slight hello kitty addiction. As you can see shes got more crazy flair that Lady Gaga. Bring it sistah!










And then there is Caution. She's my youngest crazy. She is caution because she has found as the baby sister she must deflect all crazy her sister throws at her. Or at least the toys  and feet with shoes anyhow.

And then there is bub.

He is ITs son from a previous marriage He is his very own kinda crazy. We make it mesh but it defiantly is different. Hes turning 12 soon so this should be a fun preteen experience for us all. Hey ladies he likes long walks on the beach and candlelit dinners... ahh who am i kidding he likes eating his boogers and anything angry birds. Hell if you found and angry bird booger im sure it would be the best breakfast appetizer ever.

And then we come to the crazy dog pip and her 5 sister  brother cats. Pip loves every one and the cats..... well they dont...unless you have food..... and then only for a minute. 
(and i know her yoda had i made makes her look ridiculously adorably sane)

and his is my crazy world. So welcome to it.  :)